“Lawman”
By admin | December 2, 2009
A&E must be crazy. I’m not one to notice, care, or research the Neilson ratings, but I’d venture to guess they’re lagging behind. After watching a promo for their new show, “Lawman” starring Steven Segal as a REAL LIFE cop, I’m sure of it. If the element of surprise is their tactic, they win. And if an 80’s C-list, 250+ lb., ponytail wearing ninja is the recipe for successful television…I still gotta shot!
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Your Friend, Ardipithecus Ramidus (a.k.a. “Ardi”)
By admin | October 12, 2009
Never heard of him? He’s the latest research by scientists theorizing the evolution and history of mankind. I’m assuming the picture below was drawn from a police sketch artist during the ‘92 L.A. riots, but the bones of this creature were found in Africa; Ethiopia to be exact. In fact, several bones have been found since the mid 70’s, “proving” that, as one scientist says, “human forebears walked upright that long ago (3.2 million years).” With Ardi it’s now believed humans started walking upright about 6-9 million years ago instead of 4-8 million. How bout that! You’ll have to excuse my urine soaked Dockers (as if I would really wear Dockers).
I’ll take this moment to tout a little documentary called, “Expelled” with your favorite high school teacher Ben Stein as narrator/interviewer. Rent it. Bueller…Bueller? Watch it. It’s way better than the Discovery channel’s, Discovering Ardi. And yes, I just finished watching it. Well, parts of it.
Now I’m not one to talk trash against science (only if it can’t be proven), but I just don’t understand how bones from perhaps a new species of monkey can change the thought process Darwinists have held for so long. Did they ever consider Sasquatch MIGHT originate from Ethiopia, Africa instead of the Pacific Northwest? Hey, it’s a thought.
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Justice Served?
By admin | August 15, 2009
I’ve watched with amazement over the past month (perhaps years) the character flaws of the NFL. Granted, with a 53-man roster opposed to an 11-man basketball, 20-man hockey, or 25-man baseball…football has the shear numbers to draw more negative headlines. Still, why aren’t we seeing more baseball players shooting themselves in the leg, or a dirty Canadian running an illegal dog fighting ring called, “Ya Wanna Go Kennels”?
Donte Stallworth served a single month in prison, receiving roughly $416,666 wearing bright orange instead of dingy brown (7-year deal worth $35 mil signed in 2008). He’s recently been banned from his profession for an entire year. By the way…he killed a guy! Plaxico Burress carried an illegal handgun into a Manhattan night club and forgot it came standard with a safety button. What if the bullet missed his leg, hitting that cocktail waitress he just tipped $250? As if anyone’s going to confront and harass a 6′6 black man in a New York, much less Manhattan club. You had a nice career Plax. At least all your boys will know you kept it real!
The Philadelphia Eagles just signed a man once worth $114 million to a 2009 salary of $1.6 mil. Arthur Blank is still sick about it. His arrest was unconventional because he didn’t beat his wife, drive drunk, or even carry an illegal weapon. He didn’t harm people, he fought dogs; and he served two (2) years for doing so. According to our judicial system, his debt is paid and he’s fit to return as a rehabilitated citizen. He’s apologized countless times, lost countless millions, so the Eagles and the NFL are willing to accept him back.
But as I watched PETA protesters and animal rights activists protest against an already beaten man, I wonder what reaction Stallworth will receive when he returns? Did anyone picket outside the Izod Center in New Jersey after Jason Kidd beat his wife? I don’t remember many people up in arms after Michael Irvin came back to the Cowboys after his 3rd arrest for cocaine possession. Crap, he made the Hall of Fame as a convicted felon. Ray Lewis became a modern day “OJ” after beating a murder charge to become the face of the NFL for a time. Everyone knows he played a part in it.
So to all the Michael Vick haters, who as time passes, will fade away. Protest the athletes claiming lives, ruining others, and inflicting physical harm on human beings. We now know you exist, congrats. You’ve used Vick as a platform to put yourself on the map…now go make some real change. We haven’t heard from you since the conviction two years ago, and now you conveniently resurface. Tell these other organizations they’re not NEAR as passionate as you, and they need to take a lesson. Tell the family of Mario Reyes they sold out to a murderer and those second amendment rights should have tighter restrictions.
Motivate MADD to make more of a scene and tell the NRA-ILA to get their own Moses to rally the forces. Lay off a guy who’s paid the penalty and then some. There’s nothing he won’t do to help (by force now) your effort, so pick a fight worth fighting. This one is over.
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Job Well Done
By admin | June 15, 2009
One of the foundations of retail is customer service. Go above and beyond what everyone else is doing and you’ll have a pretty good shot at seeing that customer again. The reason a store (any store) starts a business isn’t for a one-time sale. Even ReMax looks for your repeat business the next time you look to buy a home. But another key element of retail sales is word of mouth advertising/marketing. You can spend half your earnings trying to promote your business, but if you provide a sucky product/service, people can always find another option.
We recently had the pleasure of replacing the sewage pipes to our house. Fun. And, most likely a once (maybe twice) in a lifetime task. Let’s hope. I had been told of a place close by that offered 20 ft. PVC sections as opposed to the standard 10 ft. sections available at Lowe’s or Home Depot. Well without going into long, drawn out and boring detail, its refreshing to come across someone willing to go above and beyond.
Winnelson Plumbing on Commerical Blvd. in Fort Worth, TX can be contacted at 817-581-2230. They did their job so well I’ll never recommend anyone else when someones asks me about anything regarding their plumbing. They made two (2) separate trips by my house to drop off the supplies I bought and changed my purchase ticket after we adjusted our strategy and didn’t use certain pieces. Now I realize why I was told about them because I’ll be doing the same!
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Purpose Driven
By admin | June 3, 2009
Everyone takes advantage of something that’s truly FREE. Too often things garnering the label are anything but. In the world of blogging and social networking all a person sacrifices is their precious, valuable time; as much or little as they desire. There aren’t any membership fees or monthly costs associated with Blogger, Facebook, or Myspace. All a person needs is, yes…a FREE email address. Granted, some people’s time is worth more than others, but for the average American, we’re willing to give up a segment or two for nothing aren’t we? Some may be willing to give up hours, others just a few minutes. Either way, I think there’s three purposes to blogging or social networking.
- Making Money
- Meeting people/staying connected with friends
- Getting thoughts/ideas off your chest
The smart ones have found a way to do all three. Seth Godin, Guy Kawasaki, and Heather B. Armstrong have (1) made money, (2) met new people, and (3) released information from their minds with the use of a FREE tool. Ten years ago their conquest wasn’t possible. The rest of us are either content with our purpose or strive to reach that first one…getting paid! I for one would love to make some extra cash, but what I have to say (like most bloggers) is worthless commentary on my surroundings. I enjoy doing it, but you’d be crazy to pay me for my thoughts here (but will you anyways?).
I won’t be able to say anything you can’t read in a book, watch on a program, or buy a dvd on. Yet I suppose I’m smart enough to find a niche in some field/category people are willing to listen, dare I say, even buy? I’ve seen websites out there making money with zero appeal, zero creativity, and little personality. Surely I can at least match that, maybe even surpass it. Just for fun, I’m currently enrolled in an internship which teaches tactics and strategy to internet marketing. I’m not spending a dime or going in with grandiose notions. I’m simply trying to learn something new. If my ideas (sure, I’ve got a few) are able to fit in with what I learn, why not try?
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Cause For Celebration
By admin | May 23, 2009
I suppose any determined group has been at the heart of a celebration or holiday. The Catholics figured chocolate bunnies and colorful eggs were a way to honor the world’s most miraculous event, while women all across America reserved Feb 14th for pampering and guilt trips. Sure, we need a holiday or celebration every now and then. There just aren’t enough birthdays to make a year go by faster.
The International Day of Slayer began on 6/6/06. Oh the irony. Since that date, Metalheads across the globe take off June 6th and rock out. Well, they may do more than that. I think Ronny James Dio is writing the cards for Hallmark as we speak. Today in Anchorage, AK are the World Beard and Moustache Championships. Every year the mightiest beards/moustaches assemble, for what, I’m not quite sure. Certainly there’s a blue or white ribbon awarded to those who’ve spurned their razor best, but if Rollie Fingers isn’t there, I ain’t going!
In a society that is obviously looking for more things to occupy thier time, it seems anyone can grab headlines by creating their own holiday/celebration. I can’t think of anything I’d personally like to crusade, but business owners take note. What a way to make a buck.
Scott and Will were hawking t-shirts at a Louisville, KY tattoo expo in July of 2002 when the heat took its toll and they began swapping lines from perhaps the best comedy ever written. Lebowski Fest 2009 is now touring 15 cities under the guise, “Speed of Sound Tour”. Genius. The idea of celebrating a movie wasn’t anything new. Star Trek conventions have garnered millions of dollars for pointy ears and orange spandex shirts. And I’d venture to guess Millennium Falcon’s are still being produced next to Chewbacca outfits in some mid-west warehouse.
As I conclude my first year of teaching there’s cause for celebration. My own holiday begins next Friday, May 30th. I’m not searching for some scheme to cash in on my special day (Six Flags has already done that), but I am amazed at the notoriety and income average people can gain by celebrating their passions.
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Schmucks of the Week
By admin | May 10, 2009
OK, so I’m not coming out of blogging hibernation with any encouraging words, self-help remedies, or learned experiences. Instead, I bring you my personal angst for a handful of people that have rubbed me the wrong way (some as late as this very morning). Their example of schmuckness cannot be overlooked, nay, be understated!
Kevin Garnett is a highly respected leader and front man for the defending champion Boston Celtics. He used to be good at basketball. Used to be. Now he sits on the sidelines as a cheerleader (in a $3000 suit) rooting on his struggling comrades from the bench. I respect Kevin Garnett for trying to maintain his leadership while his career undoubtedly fades away. But last night, while his Celtics took on the short-handed Orlando Magic and were down 10+ points, SportsCenter was so kind to focus on KG taunting the Magic players by pointing to his watch (in a desperate attempt to say, “NOW we’re really going to turn it up!”). With a final score of 117-96 and 0 points in his Armani suit, KG rightly deserves a position in schmucks of the week.
In another ill-fated attempt to slap the Green Bay Packers in the face (maybe even physically), Brett Favre may try for a stint with the rival Minnesota Vikings. No concern for a legacy at this point. Brett, like so many others before him, is willing to let America and Favrians everywhere watch him fall apart before our very eyes. Something tells me he secretly enjoys all the headlines and reporters hounding him about his next decision. While he plays the humble Mississippi country boy act well, we ALL know it’s simply another case of a legend unwilling to walk away and move on. Boo Brett Favre.
Lastly, we come to what used to be one of my favorite bands, Green Day. Yes, those may have been younger days, but I still challenge any band to bring more live energy or reach their crowd better. Today, the eyeliner wearing 40 year-olds have a new album (I don’t even care to Google the title) with a single named, “Know Your Enemy“. I have a hard time accepting the title since Rage Against the Machine (who doesn’t wear eyeliner) created a song with the same title in 1992 with MUCH deeper meaning. Schmucks.
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“Pain Equals Wisdom”
By admin | March 4, 2009
I’ve always been told that the only thing we can really control in life is our reaction to a given situation. When a tough time slaps you across the face…how will you react? No one has a problem figuring out their reaction to a positive or good circumstance. Instead, it’s the moments you’re never ready for that test your REAL strength, character, or conviction. And make no mistake about it; life will suck every once in a while.
I read a sad, shocking, and somewhat unbelievable (in this day and age) story about a young man named John C. Odom. Odom was a right-handed minor league prospect in the San Francisco Giants farm system. He wasn’t classified as a rising star, playing only single A ball as a 44th round draft pick. Other major league players on their way UP the ladder played with him for small doses of time, making warm comments about his attitude, personality, and easy-going nature.
I doubt anyone would have known the name John C. Odom if he hadn’t been traded to the Laredo Broncos of the United League (a.k.a. Busch League) for 10 baseball bats! At an estimated value of $665.00, the Calgary Vipers received ten C243 Prarie Sticks, double-dipped and 34 inches in length. They weren’t even Louisville or Mizuno. Mr Odom was sent 3,000 miles to Laredo, TX from Calgary, AB in a trade that sounds as if it came from the 1920’s depression era.
How in the world do you deal with that? Odom embraced the 15 minutes of fame just long enough to pitch a few games. As he marched to the field like Adam West while “Batman” played, the young righty smiled and laughed about the trade every other minor-leaguer thanked his lucky stars he wasn’t a part of. Not long after, he told his coach he was done. He quit.
I’ve been talking about John Odom in past tense because he’s dead now. With a previous alcohol addiction, heroin soon followed, claiming his life in a drug/alcohol overdose last November. Players and coaches agree, “the trade” played a large role in his downward spiral. A pathetic end to a pathetic trade. The bats were never even used. Ripley’s purchased them for $10,000 and the money went to children’s charity. During the autopsy, medical examiners noticed a lengthy scar on the inside elbow of John C. Odom. Above his Tommy John incision read the Latin phrase, “poena par sapientia” which translates, “pain equals wisdom“. Ironic.
In a time of uncertainty and chaos in many parts of the country (and in many industries), I hope people are reacting as best they can. I guess we all wish for wisdom from our past pain. While so many people live their lives as actors instead of directors, no one can be fully prepared for what might happen next. One thing we can all work towards though is ensuring a move in a positive direction when those terrible times come our way.
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Return of the Mullet
By admin | December 5, 2008
How can you not love Barry Melrose?
It’s official; Barry is back on ESPN January 1st, 2009…and in pretty nice fashion. After a triumphant (yet short-lived) return from coaching in the NHL after a 13 year hiatus, he collects $2.25 million and only a small shot to his ego. I guess it really does pay off to sign a 3-year coaching contract and suck so bad they fire you after 16 games. That pays out to roughly $140,000 per game. Nice.
But forget his failures as a coach. Barry Melrose is the mulleted, public figure of hockey and ambassador of the lowest attended major sport in America. Hockey desperately needs him for it’s 2-minute segments on SportsCenter each night (if that). They need him to keep re-enforcing all those Canadian stereotypes and wearing those ridiculous striped suits.
So I’m glad Barry was fired last month and is back where he belongs. On January 1st, 2009, the Detroit Red Wings will play the Chicago Blackhawks at Wrigley Field. It should be a great first day back on the job!
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What a Lovely Photo
By admin | November 29, 2008
For the past five years or so, I’ll sporadically check the latest mugshots on www.thesmokinggun.com
I find it interesting to see which celeb did what, and more importantly…how normal, strange, or just stupid they look in their public shaming. Now, who doesn’t love a list? But instead of the wackiest (because let’s face it…Nick Nolte will ALWAYS win that award) photos, I submit my Top 5 Best Looking Celebrity Mugshots for your viewing pleasure!
#5 – Arrested in 2002 for domestic assault in Bexar County, TX. A freshly shaven head, gaze towards the rafters, and gold chain shining through the unbuttoned polo put Stone Cold in a rare class or good looking arrest photos.
#4 - What a great smile! PrimeTime was picked up in 1996 on charges of misdemeanor trespassing. But this wasn’t an attempted assault or break-in…this was fishing. Even better, this was fishing on waters owned by the Southwest Florida International Airport. After ignoring the posted signs and even a verbal warning, the Dallas Cowboy must have caught what he was looking for. Look at that happy face!
#3 – Closely resembling Uncle Rico, I wonder if Woody could’ve thrown a pigskin a quarter mile? Irregardless, in Columbus, OH of 1982, Mr. Harrelson was nabbed for disturbing the peace. While dancing in the streets, Woody evaded arrest, which was enough for the 21 year old “Cheers” star to open up his wallet and help the city fix some pot holes.
#2 – Arrested by Miami Beach police in 1999 for assault and battery. On whom? Then recent X, Dennis Rodman. A 6′10 black man vs. a 5′6 white woman seems like a pretty evenly matched dual. I’m assuming she won, and didn’t come out looking to bad in the end.
#1 - Ziggy Stardust (David Bowie) wins the top spot for a few reasons. Notice the perfectly greased hair. Notice the pristine suit…with matching vest! Never before have I seen a mugshot look like a fashion shoot. I hope the designer of the suit was happy to have Bowie model this garment for New Yorks finest. It was 1976, and Ziggy (along with Iggy Pop) were arrested for felony pot possession.
* All photos courtesy of thesmokinggun.com
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